Supporting someone with depression is a noble effort, but it can also be emotionally and physically exhausting.
An 18-year-old recently shared her struggles with her older sister, who is not managing her depression in healthy ways. Despite her own busy schedule, she feels obligated to take on significant responsibilities for her sister, leaving her overwhelmed and questioning if she’s wrong for feeling this way.
Here’s the situation:
“Am I the Jerk for Telling My Older Sister I Don’t Want to Babysit Her Anymore?”
The writer, an 18-year-old female, describes her older sister (21 years old) who started experiencing thyroid issues four years ago. This medical condition led to frequent fainting episodes at school and eventually triggered severe depression. Despite undergoing surgery that improved her physical health, her depression persisted, even with therapy.
Since graduating in 2023, her sister has stayed home, avoiding work, further education, and most household responsibilities, aside from minimal tasks like feeding pets.
A Full Plate
Meanwhile, the writer has her own obligations. She graduated in July 2024, works part-time, and is preparing for university while studying for her driver’s license. With her mother reducing work hours and her father working long days, she has taken over most household chores.
Adding to her stress, she is expected to care for her sister, a role that has become increasingly burdensome.
Challenging Behavior
Her sister’s actions exacerbate the difficulty of helping her. She resists waking up, refuses to take responsibility for herself, and seeks constant attention through disruptive behavior, such as stealing items, smearing substances on doors, and waking up pets. Despite the chaos, the writer remains calm, but frustration has begun to build.
Her sister also refuses to leave the house alone, requiring accompaniment for even basic errands, and frequently demands her attention.
Patterns in the Struggle
The writer observes cycles in her sister’s behavior. Periods of improvement are followed by breakdowns, often coinciding with appointments or therapy sessions. Despite multiple stays at clinics, her sister consistently leaves against medical advice, rejecting help and showing no lasting progress.
The Breaking Point
After another early discharge from a clinic, the writer expressed her disappointment and frustration, confronting her sister about her repeated refusal to engage with the help offered to her. In the heat of the argument, she told her sister she no longer wanted to “babysit” her, which led to her sister calling her a jerk.
Who’s at Fault?
The responsibility of caring for an adult with severe depression should never fall solely on an 18-year-old, especially when the individual in need resists assistance and makes the situation even more challenging. While it’s understandable for her sister to struggle, the writer’s feelings of overwhelm and frustration are valid. Supporting someone should not come at the expense of one’s mental and emotional well-being.
This situation highlights the importance of proper boundaries, shared responsibilities, and professional intervention to prevent burnout for caregivers.
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